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 2008 Land's End to John o'Groat's Tandem Challenge
Songs & Poems [One of the advantages of being Blog Consultants is you can gatecrash other people's websites!!! JC] THE SONGS The Wheels on the Tandem The wheels on the tandem go round and round, The buttocks on Louise go wobble, wobble, wobble. The prat on the tandem left his phone behind, The hills on the ride have been oh so tough, The red girlie kilt goes swish, swish, swish, The riders on the bike they need a massage, The douhnuts on the ride have disappeared Robert had his eye on Ju's tandem Hammie scoffed down a large sundae, The cable on the bike went twang, twang, snap The Lord Provosts are queuing up, The midges by the loch went bite, bite, bite, The riders have to leave with no breakfast, The end of the road is in sight now, The tandem, at last, reached John O'Groats
Verses contributed by Ju The men on the bikes go puff, puff, puff The ladies on the bike go jabber, jabber, jabber, More verses penned by Ju (apparently inspiration struck while she was cycling to work this morning!) The people in the van go nod, nod, nod (referring to those fell asleep in the van) (referring to what I saw... Martin and Hammie sharing some dirty jokes, I'm sure!) (I shan't say any more!!) (referring to the speed of our tandem!)
Inspiration still continuing to strike Ju! With Abbie on the back we go Zoom, zoom, zoom Zoom, zoom, zoom, Zoom, zoom, zoom With Abbie on the back we go Zoom, zoom, Zoom All day long! (referring to Abbie being a better pedaller than Ju!) Strong Abbie's legs go round and round, Round and round, round and round Strong Abbie's legs go round and round Very fast! The cars on the A roads go vroom, vroom, vroom, Vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom. The cars on the A roads go vroom, vroom, vroom All day long! The birds on the B roads go tweet, tweet, tweet, Tweet, tweet, tweet, tweet, tweet, tweet The birds on the B roads go tweet, tweet, tweet All day long! (referring to our preferred quieter country roads) Contributed by JoJo Colin, the day after, was very stiff, Cheer and clap, cheer and clap. The guests at the parties they cheer and clap
All night long.
The stories on the blog are fun to read
Fun to read, fun to read.
The stories on the blog are fun to read
Every day
More inspiration striking JoJo and Colin too!
The number of miles go up, up, up Up, up, up, up, up, up
The number of miles go up, up, up
Every day!
The weather in Scotland is not so good, Not so good, not so good! The weather in Scotland is not so good, Wet and cold!
The tyres on Martin's bike go phht, phht, phht. Phht, phht, phht, phht, phht, phht! The tyres on Martin's bike got phht, phht, phht, Twice in one day!
by JoJo A grand old duke called Bob, He had a tandem bike.
He struggled up to the top of the hills
And he free wheeled down again!
And when he was up, he was knackered,
And when he was down, he was glad,
And when he was only half way up,
He wished he was nearly there!
Old King Bob
by JoJo
Old King Bob was a silly ol' fool
And a silly idea had he!
He called for his wife and
He called for his friends
And rode on his bike, plus three!
THE POEMS
Tandem Doggerel
by BW66
Once upon a time, there was a mad and bold biker Who rode a tandem nervously, far away and yonder. Of this demented but brave duo, wifey was lighter So in front she rode, fast and with a fearsome wonder.
This brave mad duo, known as the fearless, flying Nolans, Cunningly recruited young Abbie and her Doughnut Man! They somehow strangely thought Cornwall was all in the lowlands But in glorious Devon they did at least get an all over tan.
Now, from afar there was old and mischievous Baron Cole, Who wrote so unkindly of ladies’ bums and their wobbles! That Torquay Tantaliser was really quite a wicked old soul For he was not one to ride ever on lumpy, bumpy old cobbles.
Now young and brave Bob was wearing a kilt. He claimed it was to allow the breeze To flow and circulate freely, should he wilt, And so they still cycle on with great ease.
Wild, wicked, wonderful parties held by Mary Hare reprobates! Chats, food, wine, women, song, then at last a well-earned sleep So, at each and every party stop, everyone wildly celebrates As we willingly go to purses and wallets and dig very deep!
Not to be forgotten are Hamish, the pit stop man, And the lovely Drena, driver, caterer, motivator and friend. Hamish, the man who mends bikes like no else can, For these two lovely pals will be there till the very end.
Doughnut Man! by JCB
Abbie and Martin went on a ride,
They’d heard about a race they could enter.
Riding gaily along the byways,
Out on the course they saw a stall,
Doughnuts, Doughnuts for the riders to down!
Abbie and Martin stopped to refresh,
Oh no, oh no, t’was only for race one.
Off on their bikes they legged for race two,
Out on the course they saw a stall.
Doughnuts, Doughnuts, alas all gone!
Abbie and Martin are now doing LEJOG,
They arrived at Moreton on Day Two.
Out on the course they were met by Jon.
Oh no, oh no, no doughnuts to greet them
Only Cookies, Cookies for them to consume!
Abbie and Martin are continuing LEJOG,
Wherever they go, to meet their friends.
Poor Martin, poor Martin
Is greeted by outbursts of laughter,
Doughnuts, Doughnuts, he’s the butt of the ride!
Abbie and Martin stopped for a break
"Now, where's dem doughnuts we had last night?"
Hammie, the "swine" had scoffed them all
He knelt in the road, pleading clemency!
Doughnuts, doughnuts are the bane of my life!
Three Limericks
By Dr Jim
Abbie and her husband, Martin,
Cycled their bikes like a Spartan.
They found the LEJOG
A bit of a slog!
Their bums are now the colour of tartan!
A beautiful woman named Louise,
Cycled the UK with ease.
She went with a friend
All the way from Land’s End
But now she has really sore knees!
Bob Nolan went out on his tandem
Visiting Provosts and Mayors at random!
They all gave him tea,
And jam sandwiches so wee
That now he really can’t stand ‘em!
[All contributions welcome! - please contact me JC]
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